Now the foremost question that comes to my mind is “What kept me busy for so long?” Ah, it’s difficult to answer but to be honest I can say, nothing important occupied me. The things which occupied me are things which had been better had I pay no heed to them. Let me list out few of them in the form of a dialogue between I and me:
1. Anxiety
Me – Anxiety of what?
I - Perhaps anxiety of little important things.
Me – Did you gain anything from it?
I – I don’t think so…
Me – Then you have wasted your time.
2. Office
Me – Really, you think so?
I – Yes, I think so.
Me – How much did you spend your time working after you left from office?
I – I do not take back my work to home.
Me – Great! Still you say you had been occupied in work so much that you could not take time for yourself??
3. Doing Nothing
Me – So what did you do, if you did nothing?
I – I didn’t do anything, it’s just that time slept by thinking about something or the other.
Me – That’s an amazing reply. You just did nothing and you couldn’t get time for yourself? Moreover if you could think about something or the other, you could have thought about yourself as well!
After a few round of questionnaire to myself, I could not think of possibly anything which justified why I couldn’t take out time for myself. If you are reading it, perhaps you will find it more weird than I can imagine. But it will solve dual purpose. Being a selfish person, I find no better way to vent out myself than by writing. And like every human, I like to connect to people though through my writing.
Now that you have patiently been reading, I must disclose the ignition behind this write-up. For last several weeks I have been in a complete mess. No particular reason to blame for, and I believe I am responsible for what I have been going through, because if one could honestly restrain the negative vibes, there is no reason for anyone to be in a mess. For several days now, the behavior has changed so much that sudden outburst of emotions (both positive and negative) has been prevalent. I have been ignoring to go out with friends, who mean a lot to me. I have been trying to create a space where I could sulk for an indefinite period, for no apparent reason. The stubborn I, had been even successful in creating such a space which obviously attracts repulsion. I blame no one. It is quite painful to sulk. Nobody should do that.
After thinking about it for many days, I thought why not start writing again. I have been out of this business surely for a long time, and only I know how much I have missed it. And thus I ended up with this write-up.
Moral of the story – Try to find sometime for yourself every day.
Good Night! :)
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