Tuesday, September 30, 2014


Today I loved myself. Did You?

There were infinite moments of joy today. Some could just be felt while some could be observed. While I was still adulating myself for no reason, the reasons were not far away. I was a little skeptical about the other night’s write up as in how would the readers take that. Honestly it comes to my mind before I post anything on public space. But then I had written that with a very honest heart, and it was received well. It was a joy beyond description. Thank you readers!

On many occasions I have observed, we human beings may be relatively different but the envelope that surrounds us, makes us more identical than we would realize. While returning from office, it was dark and humid. To make it worse, the heavy traffic didn’t leave a stone unturned. I was just waiting anxiously to get down the shared auto (For those who do not have a privilege to board one, it is an auto rickshaw shared by many people, approx. – 10, who are just unknown to each other). There were seven other co-passengers equally restless to de board. As the auto approached the infamous crossing of Sector-71, there were a number of hawkers and under privileged men and women asking for some financial assistance. As it is not new for me and I assume it was neither new to my fellow passengers, none of us paid any heed to them. The caravan of automobiles was just fast enough to be overtaken by the pedestrians. It seemed as if the automobiles were parked and their owners played hide and seek in between! After some time of stillness, out of nowhere, emerges a woman. Too old and wrinkled at her age. She was hardly able to stand upright and had to take a twig’s help. She hardly spoke a word while bringing her hands inside out in front of people. She was seeking some financial assistance. I kept on looking at her and the reaction of people, till she reached to us. To my surprise, almost at the same time everyone took out a coin out of their sack and without a second thought offered her. A joy was so much visible on her face. A joy would have been so much felt inside everyone’s heart.

There would have been a dozen men and women like her who came before her and for all of them the reaction of most of the people was discouraging. But what caused that sudden change of mind is something I could vaguely relate to my observation that “the envelope that surrounds us, makes us more identical than we would realize”.

The ignition behind today’s write up was that, because of many obvious and less obvious reasons we feel shackled and left out. It seems we are the only one going through such a phase. While the reality is, you are not the only one. There are many people around you going through the same pain and pleasure every day. It all depends on the choice you make, it can either bring you enormous joy or infinite pain within. The choice is all yours.

Moral of the story – You are not alone.

Good Night 

Monday, September 29, 2014


Today I love myself. It has been ages, since I talked to myself; in fact the mere idea of sparing a little time (for myself) out of my scarcely busy schedule couldn’t hit me. I am embarrassed indeed. But it’s better to be late than never.

Now the foremost question that comes to my mind is “What kept me busy for so long?” Ah, it’s difficult to answer but to be honest I can say, nothing important occupied me. The things which occupied me are things which had been better had I pay no heed to them. Let me list out few of them in the form of a dialogue between I and me:

1. Anxiety
Me – Anxiety of what?
I - Perhaps anxiety of little important things.
Me – Did you gain anything from it?
I – I don’t think so…
Me – Then you have wasted your time.
2. Office
Me – Really, you think so?
I – Yes, I think so.
Me – How much did you spend your time working after you left from office?
I – I do not take back my work to home.
Me – Great! Still you say you had been occupied in work so much that you could not take time for yourself??
3. Doing Nothing
Me – So what did you do, if you did nothing?
I – I didn’t do anything, it’s just that time slept by thinking about something or the other.
Me – That’s an amazing reply. You just did nothing and you couldn’t get time for yourself? Moreover if you could think about something or the other, you could have thought about yourself as well!

After a few round of questionnaire to myself, I could not think of possibly anything which justified why I couldn’t take out time for myself. If you are reading it, perhaps you will find it more weird than I can imagine. But it will solve dual purpose. Being a selfish person, I find no better way to vent out myself than by writing. And like every human, I like to connect to people though through my writing.

Now that you have patiently been reading, I must disclose the ignition behind this write-up. For last several weeks I have been in a complete mess. No particular reason to blame for, and I believe I am responsible for what I have been going through, because if one could honestly restrain the negative vibes, there is no reason for anyone to be in a mess. For several days now, the behavior has changed so much that sudden outburst of emotions (both positive and negative) has been prevalent. I have been ignoring to go out with friends, who mean a lot to me. I have been trying to create a space where I could sulk for an indefinite period, for no apparent reason. The stubborn I, had been even successful in creating such a space which obviously attracts repulsion. I blame no one. It is quite painful to sulk. Nobody should do that.

After thinking about it for many days, I thought why not start writing again. I have been out of this business surely for a long time, and only I know how much I have missed it. And thus I ended up with this write-up.

Moral of the story – Try to find sometime for yourself every day.

Good Night! :)

Saturday, April 13, 2013

The Love?

It perspired through the brow.

I love her like an open orifice,
Seeping my secrets in low.
But is it too slow –
For the water to rise off the ice?

May be,
As, I have an open heart
That she can read;
And like a naïve art
I do bleed,

In and out
Every day.

It perspires through my brow.

© rakesh k pandey

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Love Song for a Poet

My obscure heart often sings,
To the tunes of his poetry-
Metaphors with wings
“Worth a try”.

I have fallen every now and then,
For his meters and dictions-
Aesthetic, like drops of first rain
Graceful and Appeasing.

Courteous but callous callouts
Halts my heart-beats, only to learn
It was wishful.
And I fall again.

Up and down, he will swing his soul
The way I’d not have expected.
And I fall again.

Warmth of his body
Rouses my soul-
Like the vowels “sewn-in-love” together
By an aging Prufrock.

Tempts my mood, steals a glance
Of the curve and riff
And the naked soul.
I don’t shy for
I have fallen for him.

And he completes me as a woman
With his chaotic melodies,
I submit and find
I have fallen for him forever.

©rakesh pandey

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Layers Of Life

My finger's touch could
Melt her. She would breathe, as if
The air was to vanish;
Twirling her hair
-in nervousness.
Gasping for an uncalled love-
Divine and pure.

But, when I touched,
I could see the familiar prints
But not her.

to be continued...

© rakesh pandey (2013)

Thursday, February 14, 2013

My Valentine

I had but with a charred heart
And a broken neuron;
Collected the shells, you had left long ago.
I hadn’t cared either;

As you had gone, leaving
Behind a cyclorama to live with.
Your Springs had died and
I had buried, miles deeper;

Thought, time will ebb soon.

But, winter had arrived yet again
Like that Gypsy,
Who had bargained to me-
My Love.

I have been weeping,
And weeping and weeping…

But, Apricots are now dried;
I will have to, but with a nervous hand
And a fearful soul;
Peel off the layer, before she arrives
This Valentine.

© rakesh pandey

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

The Red Coupe

There I was-
Draped in a single breast,
Smoking a cigar,
In the coupe driven by chauffeur.
Held that daily rag of old world,
Folded into half, without a mark.
The engine roared like never before
At 80 miles per hour.

Occasionally I peeped
Through tinted glasses,
Only to find the texture of my coupe in their dreamy eyes.
Felt proud, like an affluent king-
Who has not one, not two, rather infinite wings.

There I was-
At the top of this poor world.
Listening to the symphonies of Mozart.
Swiftly I was heading
Towards the palace of their dreams.
Costlier than the cost of their costliest dreams,
Larger than the world they have seen.

Sipping the best breed of malt,
I thought of them:
Why are they like this?
Marooned in the open, without a roof,
Clogged with soils and sands.
How could they be so poor?

There stood my milestone-
Beaming brilliantly like a gold,
Like that loyal pug waiting for its Lord.

Here I am-
In dark, all of a sudden!
Restless I feel, who
Wants to break free
From what?

Don't know why?
Don't know how?
Feeling as if,
Someone howls over my head.
Deja Vu! Is it?

Neither do I find any palace
Nor my coupe in red.
All I find is me, lying relentlessly on the bed.

Here I am-
Half naked in that old torn rag.
Thinking silently on who I am?

Is it how I think?
Or this is how they see.
In a quest to learn
I take my steps out of nothing
To search a coupe in red.

© rakesh pandey, 2013